Tammy Faulds - Letting Go Is Liberation

Welcome to the real people real business show where we are talking with business owners who are in the trenches everyday, people who are working hard and have relevant and inspiring stories that you can relate to. Everyone we speak to is actively busy building and growing their business and is here to share their experiences, lessons, wisdom and guidance so you can be inspired to take action towards your own goals. Our guest today is amazing. She's been a friend for a long time. She's been a colleague and she has just a fascinating business and I can't wait to dig into it. So without further ado, I am so excited to welcome Tammy faults. Tammy is a loss and life coach who works with people who have been through some type of traumatic loss and are looking to do more with their life and, and grow their meaning. She's been in business for a long time. She has all her life and she is currently running , uh, a holiday grief workshop, which we'll talk about in a little bit, but you are gonna love her story. Welcome to the show, Tammy, and thanks so much for taking the time to share your story today.

Well, what an intro. I love it. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. I'm so excited to be here and chat about all things, life, boss, death, all the stuff we don't want to talk about. Can we square that?

You know what , you have so much good stuff here. So let's dive in. I want to know your story. How did you get started? How did you get here? How did you get to the super interesting version of your business?

So yeah, when I look back over it all, it's kind of no surprise that I ended up, you know, wanting to chat with people about loss and grief and death because, you know, as a kid I had cancer through my career. I've worked with seniors. I sat bedside with them, I helped my own grandmother transition. Uh , I've always been really just comfortable talking about death. Um, so I began as a life coach. That was all awesome. And then this kind of like little knock and just kept getting up like, Hey, people have a really deep seated fear of death. We should look at that. And I didn't know what it was. And anyway , so it got to exploring that. And here we are now. But yeah, I said looking back , there's kind of no surprise. I ended up here. Just never, ever would have dreamed that I would be a coach. That helps people. Yeah. Navigate those confusing and murky waters of loss and death and divorce and all losses in life.

So what were you going to be?

You know what, if you asked me, cause I had all those books from when you're really young and like I wanted to be a stewardess cause I thought it was a super sexy job to fly and get paid to travel, which I still love. Um, yeah. And then I made , I did my degree in health, so I was kind of always in like a healing sort of, I used to do physiotherapy in that, but uh, never quite in more of a psychological, mental advising , more of a physical, a health MLD aid . So yeah,

you a bunch of yoga training

and yeah . Yeah. So that's where it shifted then too . I'd always dabbled in yoga since I was probably like 18, and then again, just kind of get getting the messages, you'll see a theme of that as we talk of like, Oh, there's something that just keeps flipping on my radar that I, you know, need to look at. And so then I did , um, yeah, my yoga training in California, I ended up doing 500 hours of it because I just loved all the philosophies and everything so much more so than the physical asanas that people always, you know , relate to yoga. So layered that on then discovered Bernay Brown and trained with her cause I was like, what's all this stuff that she's talking about with vulnerability and shame? And she was wrapping language around everything I've been feeling but never could articulate. So that kind of became the process when I started coaching and layered on the yoga, then layer nay , then layered on the grief recovery and then here we are now. So very holistic. Yeah . You know, approach to that.

So you did your ICF certification in life coaching and did you start out life coaching around death or was that something that just kind of emerged?

Yeah, no , originally the life coaching was strictly that. So I knew that was something, I've always been the kind of person that whenever that's faced that people just tell everything to. So I was always giving advice and people always seem to really take to heart what I had said. So I was like, well, how can I monetize ? Let's see . No, so because I've worked in events for years and loved that and succeeded in it, but it was just a burnout career because you plan them all day, execute evenings and weekends and I'm like, I can't do this forever. It's not sustainable. So that's where I started looking at what my other natural strengths in that were , which led to the coaching. So I'm just, I started with kind of that traditional, okay, well this seems to resonate, but do you know the studying and get the certification for that, did the life coaching. And then again, it's like knock, knock yoga. They're like, okay, what's that? Then layer that on again, just kind of kept listening to the little signs I was getting along the way and just kind of kept building this holistic little package .

So tell me a little bit more about how you work with your clients and who you work with. Cause this is, it's so interesting, right? It's, it's a fascinating business.

Yeah. So it's kind of a reverse engineered, you know. So when I started layering on the death coaching , um, again, very serendipitously found me and I was in California getting ready to finish up my final , um, training there. And I just sat down and was one table left at this coffee shop. And this woman was talking about, you know , the death of her mother and how traumatic experience it was. And I was literally went to that coffee shop with the intention of learning , um , or discovering what death coaching might be. And as soon as I sat next to her, my whole body was vibrating. I'm like, this is so crazy. So I thought, well maybe she would be kind of my ideal client and that would be helping, you know, with that end of life paperwork, the planning of the funerals and all that sort of thing. So that was the initial when I started becoming, I called it life and death coaching. That was the ideal client. But then as I went through that, I discovered it's a pretty jarring topic for people and I've found that parties , it'd be like this whole like they mean and be like, why you do? And I'm like, Oh. And then they like the lean back in and I ended up being this corner conversation. Then like people would just kind of come over like everyone likes to talk about it but to actually action things and you know , be proactive and plan these sorts of things was still just too much. Cause you look at the stats, it's like under 25% of the population, North America has their end of life paperwork together, but yet 100% of us are gonna die. So I was trying to bridge that gap but then discovered that what people were actually really needing , uh , was help around grief and loss. So that's why I've just recently pivoted to doing more about loss kind of thing. Cause people can really resonate with that. Um , and know they need help with that. Whereas the death thing, like, well, I'm not really facing any of that right now. So he has always put it on the back burner. So now the clients that are coming to me are more of the, I've suffered some kind of a loss in my life or that second death of a loved one. Uh , a diagnosis. Um, you know, there's some kind of a terminal illness or even just something that's, you know, taken away that freedom that they have with health. You're trying to navigate all that , um, or your loss of finances. And even just like big breakups and pets, you know, we don't give a lot of, you know, I'm still was never cried as hard as I did when my dog died when I was a teen, you know, so we're taught how to acquire things in life and not what to do and we lose them. So that's where I'm really kind of helping navigate , uh , that for people because we're taught all these tools and they're not even tools. They're just these platitudes that have been rinsed and repeated from generations of, you know, soldier on toughen up, be strong, don't cry, it'll be okay. Keep busy. Like all these things that just are trying to use the brain to heal our hearts. And we have these losses that really imprint deeply on our hurts and then we just feel isolated and alone. And so that's where I'm trying to be more of a guiding light to be like, you're not alone and we all all suffer losses in our lives and there are ways that you can move forward, which again is kind of the more traditional coaching model of taking action to get you out of that wreck . And I think what's so interesting about, I mean the , the difference that you've made and the sort of the , the shift that you had in your business , um, you were talking about life coaching from the context of death, right? And how death can actually be a catalyst or grief can be a catalyst for us to actually make our lives a whole lot more aligned with who we are. Yeah, exactly. Because often people will have these brushes with death in their life, whether it is like the death of a parent or a loved one, or even like a , a close call accident, you know , and your car on the highway kind of thing. And then are the theme , those moments where you're like, Oh my God , I got to lucky. I'll quit this job that I'd been hating for 10 years. I've got to leave this toxic relationship. And then they're kind of left in this. I don't know how to move forward from that. So that's where I started helping people with us, that kind of really, you know, beginning at the end. And I still like even in my call this morning with a client, it was like, well that's , let's ask your 95 year old self what they would say about how you're living today. What advice would they give you? So still using it in that lens. Um, but again, kind of again, just starting now with more of the locks and getting them through to a life that they are really excited about because as we know, losses can really stop you dead in your tracks. So

yeah, you have this manifesto on your site and with your permission, I'd love to read it because I think it's so beautifully wraps up everything that you do. And , and , and I love that you bring a little bit of humor, right? And lightheartedness to sweat . What's a really heavy can be a really heavy topic. So Tammy has this manifest to on her site and I just came across it . Was this the one that you had written the , uh, last year or the year? So it's still so good for you? Yeah . Yeah. It says, I believe in starting at the end. When you hand craft your optimal ending, you can stride confidently through life's thrilling plot twists, startling cliffhangers , and arrive at moments of quiet contentment. Design the space between now and then with heartfelt wishes, endless possibilities and actionable plans. Please your own trail break away from the safety of mediocrity and run full tilt towards wild opportunities and dream soaked adventures. Throw out the wrinkled maps and outdated guidebooks of stories, past and heed your soul's yearning for a life lived colorfully and maybe even outside the lines. Travel light. Discard the weight of perfectionism and breathe in the freedom that comes from clarity and conviction. Exhale, gloriously. Pack your suitcase with anticipation of memoir worthy milestones, exhilarating exploits, and the abundant joy of a life. Trump lived solely on your terms. Choose your own adventure. You are the Explorer and the guide. Embrace the unapologetic, unapologetic audacity of traveling, the map of your design. The beginning is near. I mean everything about this is so contrary to what we would typically read when it comes to grief and loss. It is optimistic. It is lighthearted. It is you holding onto the vision that someone might not be able to hold onto right now.

Yeah. And that's why I always come back to, my biggest word for it is liberation and let him go his liberation. So kind of like that's what that manifesto is like letting go of all the maps we were given by, you know, our ancestors and our families or even just society of how you should be living and if there's, you know, butterflies in your stomach. Like I said, I just kept listening to all those signs, you know, and I'm like, I don't know . This isn't, you know, but the norm is, but I'm going to go after it because I feel that that vision pulling me forward , um, which still changes all the time, you know, but just knowing that it's okay. So let go of those guidebooks that don't work for you and all the cookie cutter kind of, you know, waste of your life. But it's scary, you know, because we don't, you're building again, that , that's not the whole thing. It's like you're the adventure, the guide, you know, you can do this. So really like you said, just holding that for people and helping be that light for them through that. Um , knowing that again, grief and loss and I can feel pretty dark that those folks , Oh , he's a like you pivoted recently in your business, shifted a little bit too to that, more, more of that focus on grief and loss. Can you tell me a little bit about what, what was going on behind that pivot? Yeah. Again, cause then when I branded myself as life and death coaching and just got really muddled with , um, kind of the death doulas that are out there and people were thinking, I was more like holding hand bedside, which again I have done but not what I wanted to do. That doesn't like , yup . That manifesto is what lights me up. So I was trying to use death as that, that catalyst , um, which people still do get. But it was just more the confusion that I had from people just saying, Oh Hey, yeah, my best friend's mom died and she's really struggling. Can you help her out? It's like, well yeah, but not like in a grief specific way. So then again, serendipitously I found this process called the grief recovery method, which really aligned with everything I was doing because it's all the action and moving forward. So knowing that people do identify with loss and grief and again, knowing that there's over 40 types of loss that we, you know, encounter in our lives, it's not just death. Um , so kind of almost, I went really narrow and now just broadening out a bit more so that people can relate and understand that , Oh yeah, no, I know I'm in some grief and I don't know how to move forward from that. So, so still same kind of process, just beginning where they are versus me trying to meet them a little bit further down the path. And I mean other than kind of where they're at in their journey is who is, who is that ideal client that you work with? Yeah, they're the ones that are just, you know, for me, I find just naturally I'm attracting people again with like a cancer diagnosis, given my history of that. Um, but mainly it's just people the kind of fall into that death divorce, diagnosis , um, realm , which we love alliteration. But yeah, it kind of ends up being around there. So they've just, something has happened. Um, and even when they go through the process, they may start with one , um , type of loss or grief. And then as they, that's you . And then as they begin, they realize, Oh, there's actually some bigger losses that I need to talk about first. Um , which tend to go back to childhood, you know, family of origin because that's for values and belief systems and we can come in. So like when I started my journey with the grief recovery, it was like, Oh, I'll talk about cancer. Cause I know there's definitely some loss there. Had lost a child who had loss of health, loss of trusted. Um, and then it ended up being, Oh no, I gotta do my parents because I got , and that's where everything kind of starts for us. So , um, and they're both alive and well, so it's not even like there's a death that happened there. It's just that there was some, some incomplete grief, you know, when are there times where there could have been? Yeah, but this is the thing you're asked for. I've had most people, I should think 100% of people that have started with, even in my training, like they started with, okay, I'm going to talk about X. And then they end up talking about Y because that's the bigger kind of rock in that backpack of losses that we carry around every day . So, and then you just keep rinsing and repeating that process of how to complete the grief of whatever that relationship was. So what's the signature offer that you have with your clients? Like how do you work with them? Because it sounds like you'd kind of start with grief or loss and you move them through , uh , a gradually more , um , developmentally. Yes . Right, exactly. So it's actually, again, as a recent pivot to , cause I only did , um , that was from the springtime , so still, but basically taking people through a grief recovery. So, which is a eight week, you know, it's evidenced based program , um, that's been around for 40 years and it's worldwide and it's awesome program because man, it kicks up the stuff that we have been hiding in , like the sub basement and every single person. I , I come back to that liberation and like I just feel lighter and happier and I didn't realize just how exhausting carrying these grief stories where , um , whereas previously I always started people in the Bernay Brown process. So every single client is a custom coaching package. So we'll start in either one of those tracks , um, because some with the daring way process, they're just feeling stuck and it's more of a career focus and the shame stories and vulnerabilities that are holding them back and then the grief recovery. But the plan is in 2020 to kind of blend those two. Cause as I'm taking people through them and I've , I probably did a couple of clients where we are blending the two a bit , um, because they're all things we don't want to talk about, whether it's shame, grief , vulnerability, they're all those again, those sub-basement things , um , that the more we can wrap language and bring them to the light, that that's the way that's the antidote to moving through them and, and, and learning from them and moving forward. So that will be the offering coming up. I'm just still tweaking and yeah, kind of in my little lab, you know, putting it all together and getting all the feedback. So , um , yeah, you've done a really good job of , of being that person that launches, thinks gets feedback, tweaks continually and grows, right? Like I don't think I've seen you sort of still for a couple of years . Yeah. Yeah. Listening, has that been a big part of your growth is just Mmm . Listening and pivoting and yeah , listening to my inner, you know, again that kind of like the little knocks I keep getting as well as I'm listening to the audience and just being like, Hey, what worked for you? Like every time I have a client I always ask for the, you know, the good, the bad and the ugly about the process and where would you like to spend more time? Where could we have, you know, skipped over what just didn't work for you at all and you maybe got a little frustrating, frustrated or that sort of things. Just really listening to that one. So it's kind of like an overarching, just mantra of listen, how do you find your clients and you what? It's all been word of mouth. I haven't done any kind of, several was like, Oh, do ads and all that. I don't even know where to start with that. Um, and it's actually interesting now it's like, Oh wait , every time I run into people like Oh I was just talking about you the other day because now I'm kind of really getting known a was getting known for death. So I was getting people emailing me articles, all that kind of stuff. But now that I'm pivoting more to the grief and loss, that's where people are like, Oh okay, yeah, my friend needs help with that. So I told her about you. And so it's been all word of mouth, which is awesome. Um , w w and so when you talking to people about your business, what, what is, what is it that you're communicating that's different? Like how are you doing things? How are you setting yourself apart in the industry? Well, starting with all us basically. Cause I find anyone that's out there, whether it's, you know, traditional kind of life coaching path or if there are people that are really are focusing on grief, I've just found that there is, it's kinda like funeral homes, right? It's like they're dark. There are kind of masculine in their presentation. It's something that's like hushed tones and we don't really want to talk about it. Whereas I'm the opposite. I'm like, my dream is like, you know, the white plum in a white room of white filled space of plants and light. And it's something that is a part of life. It's not life versus death. It's all integrated together. So that's where I'm helping people kind of literally see that light of, Oh yeah, and this is going to happen and here's how the best prepare for it. You know? So the more I can be that contrast for people , um , that is that even what lights me up, you know, to be like, you're not alone in this. Because again, whether it's grief or shame, it can feel so isolating and so dark. And I just wanna like your , because the more we talk about it again, like we're just like , Oh my God, me too. And then you hear her , that's all I have like that exhale gloriously because you're like, Oh my goodness, no I have that liberation, had likeness . I can now start taking the steps forward. But when we're stuck in that place where again like grief is this thing that's bad or not to be discussed, I'm like ah , it needs to be honored. It begging for you to see it and to talk about it and let tears flow and you know, really process it. But we just keep it [inaudible] and not like sub sub basement and it just rears its head at the most inopportune times when you do that. You know, why do we want to , I mean knowing what, you know, why is it that we want to keep all of the stuff down in the basement? Well because a people don't know how to, how to handle it. Right. Cause from if I came to you and was like Stephanie, Oh my gosh, whatever my dog died. I am so sad. And for you to empathize with me means you have to connect with that same emotion in you. And if you haven't processed your grief or your shame, you sure as hell I'm going to have the bandwidth to hold mine so we will. Then you're like, okay, yeah, maybe another time I'll push it away or we just try to fix and we don't go into that again, that listening mode where you're like, Oh gosh, really tell me more. How was that for you? And we get so in our heads about having to like say the right things and you know, either as best we can for those people, but often again, we're not taught these tools that work. You know, we said like, well don't cry. Don't do that. And then you're like, but I'm crying so I don't know what to do now. So that's why, because just again, we haven't been taught how to deal with it and that's where I'm trying to help teach people the tools that do work. And so you can hold space, which honestly, I'm listening, you don't have to have any sort of response other than I'm just so glad you told me I'm here for you. Where do people normally think to go when they're in that place of grief? I actually surveyed a bunch of my clients and it was interesting. Um, I've put in kind of like a medical and that's where a lot of people go to like doctors and that sort of thing, which is great. However, studies are also showing , um, unresolved grief often presents as depression and anxiety. So then they're misdiagnosis . They're given, you know, some medication to help them and they're still like, Oh, I still don't feel any better. So that's been really fascinating for me. And the more I've talked to people about that , um, again, they're kind of like, yeah, no , I always thought I was depressed, but really it was just, I needed to talk about grief and these losses I had when I was a teen and that sort of thing. And then again , we kind of have that light in liberation . So that's been fascinating for me. Um, but again, and thankfully, especially in Canada and mental health has become more of a, a less stigmatized topic. Um, but I find that , yeah, having just that , that surveys where people tend to go first and friends and family, you know. Um, but yeah, I was surprised to how many went to just doctors first. Like that's where they turned. Um, and then we gotta yeah . Friends and family. So, well, I expect that they would end up with counselors or

some other mental health professionals as well. Hey [inaudible] .

Yeah. But I was like, just really happy that they were seeing that. Cause again, just so lonely and isolating that they're like, Oh, something's wrong with me and, but I don't want to talk about that because it's, you know, means I'm broken. Or again, those stories come up of like, I'm not right. And I don't know where to get help.

And have you explored becoming known to the medical professionals as a way of, of basically getting referrals?

Yeah. Yeah. That's , uh , on the to do list. But yeah, I've had, I've had conversations with a few doctors who were like, Oh my gosh, you should come to this conference and talk. Because even with them, they're not trained that well and how to, like, they admit that, you know, like we're trained to , um, you know , he'll and cause no harm and that sort thing , but these people are just presenting with all these issues. And actually one a doctor was in my , um, my beta group and I did the first grief recovery method and she was like, yeah, like it's amazing how much the stomach , um, you know, hurt like that. All the kind of central nervous system stuff just really presents , um , physically when people are dealing with some pretty heavy grief. Um, so she's like, yeah, we could definitely use, you know, some education around how to, again, listen to these people and kind of go for what the deeper issues are versus what's just presenting symptomatically.

Super interesting stuff. Hey

[inaudible] yeah, it's fascinating. It really is.

So what's your big hope for your business? I mean, let's, let's look at you in, you know, and two to three years

where , yeah . Oh my gosh, dare I say, you know, I want to be known as, yeah. The loss in life coach. And again, just kind of making that differentiation of I'm going to help you move forward. Um, if you are feeling stuck and need to talk to more of like a therapist counselor thing, awesome. That's great. And when you're ready to move forward and helped to rebuild, you know, this new normal of a life that you've found yourself in, then please, you know, give me a call. Um, yeah. So that's probably the yeah. And then just, you know, getting more out there more than just talking about , um , all again, these myths in that, but just hold us back so we can just have the conversation to be like, Oh my gosh, okay. Yeah, no wonder people are telling me not to feel bad and I feel bad. So I should probably, you know, listen to myself and not listening to, you know , don't do that. And I'm like, no man , I'm going to do it. I can let myself cry because tears are healing, so I want to let them out. You know?

So you're in a, you're in a field that's obviously very emotionally driven and you [inaudible] are someone who needs some pretty strong boundaries in the work that you do and for your clients. So what is it that you just absolutely won't compromise in your business?

[inaudible] no want to compromise? Well, I mean you talk about boundaries. I didn't realize the, I would need for the grief and loss element, like when you really dive into that, because again, for me to connect with them, it kicks up my stuff. So I was approaching a burnout stage and had to back off on that. And thankfully I knew all my triggers. I was like, okay, I get it. I know the path and going down. So I was able to dial that back. So I would say the thing I won't compromise on then is just, yeah, my honoring what I need. Um, versus always. And that previously would have always been like, well , just, you know, if they're there, you need to help them, me do the best you can and show up even if you're not feeling it and that sort of thing. So now I'm just like, Nope, we're going to dial. And I did, I had to dial it back so that I could work on my own things and now I have way more of that and what's available. Um, so that'll be continuation from you going forward of just really being mindful of my needs as well.

Yeah, it's, it's very much like I'm Janine who I was speaking to on a couple of episodes ago in a very creative professional, and actually she's in Toronto too. You guys should connect. Um, she says, look, I mean , I'm in a creative profession and I need creative space and it's just a, it's just a function of the work that I do. And you just cannot force anything when there is creative, emotional, you know, mentally challenging work that professionals need to do.

Yeah , yeah. And so really honoring even the rituals that I do before those clients. So that I can be that safe container that also bolsters me. And then that way when we're done, I can put that aside and you know, go back to my life. Cause I used to get very mashed . I'm going to pass, you know , at heart. So I used to, yeah, I'd be like, Oh my gosh, well let me, you know, how more can I help you? Even beyond, you know, what you've signed up for kind of thing. And now it's like, I also need to trust that I've given them the tools, I've empowered them that they can take care of themselves. Kind of like this mama bear, you know? It's like I just want to swoop in and you know, help in every single way I can. But again, being more boundaried and , and knowing they will reach out when they need me. And that's happened, you know? So yeah. Trusting. And

what systems do you have to put constraints on your work? Like I imagine that, that, that's a , that's pretty taxing emotionally. And so I'm imagining you're not having 10 back to back clients per day.

No. Yeah, that's exactly, that's where I kind of started when I was , I got so excited about all this grief recovery process. I was like, yes, bring in all the people and yeah, too far too fast. So now I've realized , yeah, my happy kind of parameters for that. And also opening up, I'll be doing , um , more of the in-person, so like 10 people of thing in an in person workshop because there's a lot of magic that happens with the connection of actual humans looking at each other. Um, so yeah, so that'll also help me as well because then those people just get paired off and they support each other versus me having to, yeah. Be the care bear for all of them.

You've been doing this for almost a decade and I feel like the environment is shifting pretty rapidly around tolerance and openness for these types of conversations. And I know that you have had experiences in , um, in communities like that and you've been interviewed by some pretty awesome people. Do you think that the industry is changing? Do you think that there is a shift in , in [inaudible] the tolerance for having these types of conversations?

100%. When I started a decade ago , I was always like, Oh, I'm a life coach. Like , and that would be on the football. What do you do? Like no Andy , it always was met with a skeptical eyebrow. Like really? And then I had to always differentiate between what therapy and coaching was. And now that there's, it's a booming industry, which thank goodness I think everyone needs a coach. You just need that nonjudgmental sounding board that will help, you know , you shift perspectives and move forward and so grateful for that, you know, community of coaches that are out there and helping people. Cause I've had a lot , um, a lot of my clients that just came through from therapy and they're like, I just wasn't getting that forward momentum. And again, that's a differentiation between the two. So I'm so happy with that. There's that community now that can help people that are ready to be action oriented and go forward, but just want a really solid plan. Um, so yeah, I think it would only get more and more popular and accessible by people. Cause even , I know like in the beginning people are like, Oh, I don't want to say, you know , like , it's kind of like, you know, when you admit that you're going to therapy is this, you know, a bit of a stigmatized thing, but now it becomes this kind of like cool, like, yeah, I got to coach, don't you? So yeah, it's interesting,

but I think shows like the sick boy and which you were on, weren't you? No , we're still a , yeah , but you have a relationship with him and , um , a couple of these, I mean, those kinds of things are really shining the light on what it's like and what it feels like to be in that kind of position. Right. And get, are there, the conversations are starting in the conversations are becoming more rich. So how can you leverage that? I mean, how have you leveraged that?

I should you say a podcast? I was on a local one here and it was, it was from my , um , so it's called misfit studio. And , uh, so I go to classes there and it was amazing and people are like, Oh my gosh, I listened to your podcast . And like this one girl was like, I quit my job. And then the next day I like got this fantastic job in life where they're just like, I realize , you know, I could die tomorrow and I'm not happy, so why wouldn't I change that now? And I'm like, Oh my God, if you don't think this is amazing . So for me it's like getting on more podcasts and again, more these speaking engagements, which we talked about years ago. You're like, you need to be speaking or , um, so again, get the conversation rolling, you know , uh , every single time I've talked to people about it , it's like, Oh, thank goodness I've been wanting to, you know, be able to talk about this with someone. Um, but again, it just kind of, well yeah, no one was really talking about life and death together. So , um , so probably that, I mean, open to the ideas and suggestions of how else I can leverage it. Cause , uh, I just kind of keep my head down and , and putting things forward. But yeah, I definitely need to expand out more.

Yeah. I mean, I think you need to as well and somehow making it okay for people to , to decide that they want to do this for themselves. I mean, imagine that. That's, that's one of the harder things is that people, I feel like we're still one foot out of this culture where we don't do things for ourselves. It's shameful to do things for ourselves to try and fix ourselves. We should just muscle down and get through it, right? Yep .

Yeah. Yeah. So we'll see. I mean, got some big plans coming up for 20, 20, so hopefully, and that's how I get where I want to bring more of that light and humor to the topics that it is more palatable and accessible for people rather than that kind of hushed funeral tones of,

yeah . Yeah. Let's talk about it. Yeah. And you're doing an awesome job of , of bringing that to , I mean, you just, all you need to do is look at your website and you think it the field , how much lightness there is in the work that you do. Um, so let's, let's talk a little more business because this is a business podcast. What has growth meant to you? What have you kind of grown around in terms of your priorities and your, your, what you've learned about yourself?

Oh my gosh. I mean, I have learned a ton. A , I never thought I'd be an entrepreneur, so just going on that whole jury was massive growth for me, but also again, being very cognizant of I wanted it to be a sustainable approach. Um, I do tend to like get a ball and run with it and exhaust myself. So again, understanding my triggers of that, of just, okay, let's just be as your like, you know, slow growth. That's good. You know? Um, so definitely learning more than I ever had before. I mean about myself because especially with me having that blend of personal professional together, that was a huge, Oh my gosh, I mean I learned so much from that process of just, well , what do I stand for as a person and what do I want my business to be known for? And then just having to again, like shift and listen really to what my clients needs were, even though I may have had a great idea , um, and thought that was what they needed and then launch something and not one sale, you're like, Oh right, okay. So being really open and receptive , um, and really having a student mindset,

okay ,

I am not a business expert. You know, that's why I hire business coaches. Cause I'm like, I don't know. I just do what feels good. I know this helps and help me, you know, then put the structure in for me so that I can grow

and that , and honestly, I believe that's, you know, that's what we're here for is to help, you know , business owners a , become more educated in terms of running their own businesses. But you guys are the experts, right? You are the expert in the work that you do. And more and more I'm seeing that business owners want to be able to just focus on the thing that they do well and if they focus on the thing that they do well and they're able to focus on the thing that they do well, they're selling, they're building communities, they are completely showing up as exactly who they are without this thing hanging over them of all of the stuff that they need to do to build the business. So I mean the , the more someone like you is able to just immersed themselves in the community and the environment that's been built for them, the more successful that you're going to be. Right. And like what are you, what have you been looking for in terms of growth? I mean, not so many. It's just such a myth that business owners are all focused on profit, profit, right? Or , and growing for the sake of money. That's it . Total bunch of garbage. So for you, what has, I know we all want to be profitable and we all want to eat enough money to be, let me meet you . Don't get me wrong. But it's, it's not the primary driver, right? Not at all . And so what does growth mean?

Oh, I'm all about connection, conversation, building community. Um, and that's another thing I'm looking at for 2020 as well, which I was serving some people but just like membership. So having a just a baseline level so you can come in and learn, you know, kind of again, like reprogramming the brain from everything we've been taught about how to deal with loss and just kind of like dip a toe, you know, so like just sitting in the waiting pool, they can sit and talk about it because again, this is a pretty jarring conversation for people. So just having that one level where you can just find like minded people. Like even when I went to a couple of years ago, death symposium, I was like, Oh my gosh, 200 people that are wanting to talk about this. And I don't feel like the freak at the party , you know , talking about these things. So that's where I'm kind of hoping to build that community there. Um, so that you can just be like, Oh my gosh, well yeah, I've, you know, I had a job loss or divorce or something else this year and here's how I'm struggling in here so I can move forward and having that accountability , um , with other people so that they can, yeah.

Awesome . Move on. I remember when you went to this death symposium and there's some commentary here that I would love to hear from you around , um , how important the role of sort of validation is. You are pushing the boundaries in your industry because you are at that time doing something a little different and that people hadn't heard of before and all of a sudden you, and I think, I think it was still a bit of a struggle for you where you were like, Ooh, you know, I'm trying to make this thing go and I'm pushing, pushing a big rock up the Hill. Right? And then you went and your energy just shifted so much after you were part of that community. So can you talk a little bit about the rule that validation plays in helping people who are pushing the edges move forward?

Yeah. And it's interesting cause I always kind of refrain validation as confirmation. So it's confirmation what I already knew inside. But yeah, having community of just like minded people who are like, yeah, us too. We're also trying , and that's where I'd love to go at that conference was they had the blend of science and spirit because it really is both of those things and how we've been traditionally using only a medical model , um, to deal with death. But there's way more to it. So the have these really rich conversations. Um , mind you, I think I was the only coach there. Others were like, you know, the death duals or for fun or funeral providers and you know, that sort of our ICU nurses and that sort of thing. Um, so was it really, really cool to just get all these different perspectives and see how we can all work together to support those? Again, that are suffering with loss and grief and death and help shine that light and let them know that there are no long just like how I felt alone kind of doing this. Like I dunno, no one's doing death coaching. I don't even know what it is myself, but knowing in my heart that it was something that was needed. Um, so yeah, so it was really, really nice to connect with those people. And that's kind of , again why I'm wanting to build the community around it for, you know, people that don't work in that field. I used to even host , um , the first Friday of the month I just called the death circle. I was like, whoever works in the field that I've like just ready . Cause as soon as you pick something, you start magnetizing all these opportunities and all these people are like, I don't even know how I met, you know, the uh , the headquarter here in Ontario, but here he is. And so I'm like, let's bring all these different people together so we can just talk about what the struggles are, what the opportunities are, how we can all work together. So yeah, so I to bring that now to the community that I'm serving.

So is that a, it's some advice that you would give for somebody who is kind of trying to push the edges of their business, that you are the edges of their industry, that it's a, it's a positive move for them to go find their communities professionally. Not even just there [inaudible] customers, but also trying , you know, how, how big of a role is that in your own growth in your own development?

Oh, it's the only thing that's kept me saying honestly, because you do, well Brittany , I wrote about that and braving the wilderness, right? It's like you're in this forest and you just feel stuck. And as soon as you get outside the, you look around and you're like, Oh, there's like 50 more people that are out here too who also had to go through those tickets. You know, to kind of get through to that. And the more conversation you have. Cause again, that's how I kind of just got into people's heads and like, well and that's, that's kind of why I chose life and death coaching as a, as a brand was that people are going to remember that and then they'll be like, Oh I was just talking to this girl named Tammy who's doing this thing. You should talk to her. And that's literally how I just started finding these people. That's why I'm like, okay, well now we've got to get together so we can all talk. Cause we were all just feeling like loners, you know , doing our things. And I was like, no, we're all the misfits that can come together on her own little Island. Um, and now like I said, that is just growing and growing and growing. Like again, Pixar is releasing that movie on death, you know? Um, so the, the conversation is happening and I can't be more excited for it. Well, every Pixar might be, makes me cry. So guaranteed. No , I know . What's been the most pivotal moment in your business so far? The duck coaching for sure. I guess I was doing the, the life coaching, the Bernay stuff and the yoga, and that was a nice holistic kind of package I had that served me well. And then just kept getting this knock on my conscious about death. And so grateful I was able to be open to that cause every kind of thing when you look outside, he was like, why would you want to do that? Like, no, this is how you do death . It's kind of like all those hushed tones and dark things. Um, but that was definitely the biggest pivot. And for me it was just listening to what we, I sat in that cafe with that woman at the table right next to me and like, well this is a sign. Like, just keep looking at all these signs of things happening. Um, so that was, yeah, which really set me into a unique position , uh, which became overwhelming because no one's doing it. And there's so many ways you can use death as a tool, you know , to how to live your life kind of thing. That's what I said. I started with, you know, end of like paperwork. I'm like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do, you know, fun funerals even though I'm an event planner and just kind of really kind of waiting through what lights me up the most. Um, and that's again, that manifest to if like I want you to live your most wide open, you know, heart racing life that you can and want to help people get through that. So that was the biggest pivot definitely. Cause the bringing that holistic approach of life and death. I love it. Okay. This is one of my favorite questions and dear to my heart. Um, but what do you , what do you think is the biggest gap between kind of what's real and what we hear out there in the online business world? Yeah , sorry . The biggest gap for between what's, what's real, what's actually happening and what we hear out there in the online business world. Oh my gosh. Again, I'm not an entrepreneur at heart, so there was like always this learning, but I thought it was going to way easier. Oh, I just figured, Oh, I'll do this thing and people will come to me and it'll be so easy. Um, and , and again, even with my yoga trainings and stuff, you know, you would do a couple hours on like, Oh, and here's how to run a business. Um, so I would just say that that whole, I mean, I'm always rallying against it, of that hustle, hard rising grind, you know, you've got to work hard and earn your stripes to make the money. It doesn't have to be that hard . Right ? Like , honestly, once I understood the systems and what I just needed to set up and have that structure, yeah. It can be way easier than it would if be just give ourselves permission. Structure is freedom. Yeah. And then also again, like just customizing everything for yourself. Right. Um , that's how I approach my coaching and that's how I approach the structures in my business as well, you know, which I mean we've talked about but yeah, figuring out what works for me versus just what the , um , yeah, what everyone else is doing, which is tough, you know, because again, you kind of want just like a here give me five, five steps and I've got my everything, you know , I need , um, but making it work for you.

Yeah. There's an underlying structure you can put in place without it being so prescriptive that it determines your business and you need to, you have no room to move. Right. That's not the kind of structure we want to put in place. We're going to give you the foundation so that you can keep growing in your own way. On top of that, what do you wish you knew before you got started? Like what would you like everyone listening to know that would help them on their journey to build their business?

Frenzy did. That was, I just wish it was like , um, I guess this more detail of just how much personal stuff is going to come up when you are putting yourself into your business. Um, that was probably the most difficult part for me. But also again, as, as with everything, right , it's for the most learning also occurs. Um, yeah. So I just would have liked to know and know that it's okay to ask for help cause I just thought I'm gonna wonder woman this I am going to like pull myself up by my bootstraps and figure it all out because yeah, you can Google and YouTube and all that till the cows come home. But I was, so that actually is probably the biggest pivot for me was just giving myself permission to ask for help and invest in that, you know, because we always like, Oh gosh, well that's like whatever, $5,000 I can't. Oh gosh, no, I can, I can do that myself and I'll just stay up till midnight every night. And again, how so hard and rise and grind and do all these things. And I'm like, wow , why ? There's people that can help you with this. Yeah. Cause I would have liked to known that way earlier because I was just getting it , getting confronted with all these like things and uh, yeah. So I would've just like to give myself permission earlier

to ask for help. Awesome. Yeah. I , I, I absolutely agree. And the moment that I did in my business, I had my first six figure year and it just, it just pushed everything through, even if it just means that you're getting your thoughts sorted. Right. Yeah . Cause I have a lot of overwhelm . Yeah. So what's next for you? You mentioned that you had a couple of things planned for next year.

[inaudible] yeah. So the first one is just lunch today. Um, the holiday grief relief workshop . So an online live two hour on November 23rd , uh, that just, yeah, again, kind of explaining what these losses are, how they affect us, how these myths of how to deal with loss, keep us stuck. And then what the holistic tools are to help you process that plan for the holidays so that you can, you know, have a little more peace and ease and navigate it with grace instead of just, you know, how to handle blankets and watching Netflix for [inaudible] or hallmark movies until it passes. Um, cause there is a lot of support that people need through hogs . It just amplifies, right. The holidays amplify all of these feelings of loss. Um, so that's the first one. And then, yeah, it's just, I guess I'm kind of in beta test mode right now with lending the Benet with the grief stuff and the holistic yeah. Yoga tools. Um, so that'll be coming out in the new year sometime and then hopefully like a membership. Um, so playing with that , uh, as well as blending that in with like a podcast sort of thing. So again, conversation, community, just getting all that together so we can talk about it. Cause, like, I know like from that little Friday grief group, I've got so many awesome experts that can come and , you know , talk about their views, you know, on , um , like I have a, I have a Will's in the state lawyer who's also deaf doula and a Reiki master. And like you're a unicorn expert . So getting like people like her on or the coroner or you know , like just all these people that deal with loss and death on a regular , um, that can show you that it is something you can navigate and move through.

Yeah. Move forward from , and from a business perspective, that's such a huge opportunity in my mind because you get to be so specific and so focused and you get to light that beacon where people are gonna find you and, and know exactly what it is that you're going to be providing to them. And the fact that you have this community of experts around you is just all the more credibility and social proof and so on and so forth. So this, this, this, focus on this, being able to kind of put up your flag and say, this is who I am is so important to your growth.

Yeah. And it's thank you because it feels like I finally found my lane, I think I was like on like a five lane trans continental. I'm like, maybe over here, maybe I'll go to yoga maybe. Yeah. Like driving kind of, you know, still moving forward. But just like, and now it's like, okay, now I got my, I was an offer for just a lane, but like, okay, now I got it. I can hit the gas on this. And really, and really again, just, it's been so heartwarming , um, to just see that liberation people feel so that they feel they can move forward. That's just been the most rewarding. Like that's for me, that's what pushes me forward on like if I can just do that every day . Awesome.

We all have some type of grief or loss, whether it's death or something else that I think can be really transformed through the process you've created. So I hope that everyone listening has the opportunity to connect with you and work with you because that liberation just completely changes everything on your path. So with all the things that you have planned, what kind of support do you need in order to get there?

Well, like I said, I've been, I've been word of mouth, so the more support I can get them just, yeah, like shining a light on this path, you know, that I've, I'm trying to help people , um, transition, you know, through it's , that would be amazing. So the more people can just talk about it again, but just kind of already happy , like, well, you know, there's this girl Tammy, because this thing, so more conversations like that, you know? Um, yeah, just helping spread the word and any, again, I'm always open to insights. I would love to hear from the community here , um, about what they're struggling with and how might I be able to help, you know, given that, you know, kind of my background and , um, cause that's, Oh, I just do the program creation. I just listen to the needs and be like, okay, well I can help that because I , even if you were coming to me with grief from like , I don't really, I don't feel so comfortable that, and then I found this program like, Oh, that was the perfect puzzle piece for me. No . So I'm really, I'm really open to yes , suggestions and hearing about that. But yeah, the more people can talk about it and even in general talking about loss and grief in their life and supporting each other as beautiful.

Awesome. Well you are have certainly found your stride and I'm really excited to see what you pull off in the next year or so. So have , you can talk about this forever. I love it . I know. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat today. I think you're giving a lot of people some really important guidance, whether or not they ever work with you, just hearing you speak and giving them permission to own their grief and their loss and shed the light on it is such a service. So can you tell the listeners how they can find you?

Yes, inner travel coaching.com it's where are you finding online Instagram in your travel coach Facebook and your travel coaching. Some kind of form of inter-tribal coach is where you'll find me. Um, yeah, but basically on the website and you'll find all the different programs I have there and all more about, yeah, and then check out the holiday grief relief workshop if that's a , it's online so you can do it anywhere in the world. Amazing.

Well all of those links will be in the show notes and you'll be able to find Tammy that way as well. But if you can't wait, she's at inner travel coaching.com right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right , well we're going to wrap up because that's the top of the hour, but such an amazing conversation with you and make sure you go and check out Tammy and her incredible offers and thank you again for tuning in today to hear this story. The episodes you're listening to are featuring members of my free private Facebook group called the real deal business coaching group where we have daily prompts to keep you focused on building your business. And sharing your everyday challenges. Biweekly, virtual coffee chats, open coaching members support within the community and now monthly pop up group coaching where you can sign up for a little hot seat and get some of your issues dealt with. If you'd like to join our community or if you'd like to be featured on this show, I'd love for you to come and hang out with us in the group. The link is in the show notes or search up real deal business coaching in Facebook to find us. And finally I would love for you to join us on our next episode where we're going to be speaking to Marty Statler, who's a book coach that works with authors who write, publish and launch their books and has built a super unique brand in a very traditional market. So make sure you tune in with our next episode to hear more from Marty and her own unique journey. Thank you again for being here and if you've enjoyed today's content, I'd love for you to give us a review on whatever platform you're on. It's this helps us share our stories with an even bigger audience. So until next time, keep building, keep dreaming, and keep being real.